Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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