Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
