Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
