i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
