Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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