I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
