Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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