I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
