wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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