you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
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