i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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