The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
stop calling my apartment porn island.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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