I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm having to shit out rocks
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
