you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
