The maid of honor just puked.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
