3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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