i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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