Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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