She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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