I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
