If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
