please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
