we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
