call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
