Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
