I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
