apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
