Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
