Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
