I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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