At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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