im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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