I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
