forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
