I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The air taste purple.
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