you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
