Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
