I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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