your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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