I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
