This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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