I need help removing her.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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