I didn't shave. On purpose
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
