the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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