we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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