There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
