trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So vagazzling was a success
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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