My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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