So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
