arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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